Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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