The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
