Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
