you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
