I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Ketchup is God's man juice
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
