pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
