Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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