Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
