just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
