True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
