woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
COCAINE IS GR8
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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