I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
