Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize