you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
