I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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