allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
