I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
