After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
