:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
