bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
