I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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