I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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