i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
