And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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