I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
so much tequila, so little girl.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
