If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
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