Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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