i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
