im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
