I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
