Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
