She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
