im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
