everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
