Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
