where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
