I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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