No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
