I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
