Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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