you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
