im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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