smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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