No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
