i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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