Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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