the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
