He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
