I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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