Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize