we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
