I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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