where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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