I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
