He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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