Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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