I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
