This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it's great music for shaving your balls
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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