I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
