Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
