My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize