He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
