why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
