i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
