If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
