Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
