what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
