He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
