Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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