I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
