Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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