I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
