yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
