I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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