Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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