Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
