I accidentally burped into my bong.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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